01 January 2017

I saw this New Year in slightly different to my last. 

I spent the first few hours of last year, in a massive argument with my then boyfriend. It was full of tears and upset which seemed to set the tone for the rest of the year to be perfectly honest as it just carried on after that. It felt like it was never-ending until changes were made and certain people were cut out my life, you never need people who bring you down 90% of the time, one vital lesson I learnt in 2016. However, this time around I was determined to not have the same start to a new year, so I went back to my tradition of staying in with a bottle of cider (replaced by hot chocolate this year due to the no fizzy and no alcohol rules). It was brilliant and I loved it.

I woke up this morning feeling fresh as a daisy when the majority of the country woke up feeling sorry for themselves with self inflicted headaches and sickness. I was determined to have a “successful” day.

I want to sort my room out, have a clear out, move things around, buy new furniture etc. Not sure if it’s because as I’m feeling better and getting slightly stronger, I want to find more things to do, however it’s annoying because I need to be careful not to do too much otherwise I’ll never get back to work! I want to be back at work before the end of February, but it’s not up to me it’s up to Dr Goodings, Mr Tutton and Miss Gupta to see how much progress I’ve made since surgery in the appointments they have planned for me.

So I started the day feeling positive, and went to have a shower (by myself!!) , but even that was too much. Just a simple thing like washing my hair was too much. We’d bought a new conditioner the day before, it was in a big tub so it was living on the floor, as there was no where else to keep it. I was able to bend down and pick the pot up, open the lid and get some conditioner, but then I realised I couldn’t put the lid back on (it’s a screw lid) so I bent down and put it on the floor making it easier to put the lid on. That’s when I realised I was stuck. Although I can now walk further and for longer, pick things up that are heavier and just generally do more, I’m still struggling with my knees and bending down and standing up. I usually have to hold something and pull myself up but there was nothing to grab onto in the shower so I just had to stand up. It was that or stay stuck on the floor. I could have shouted for Mum but she wouldn’t have heard me downstairs through the doors and over the TV.. As I stood up I got the worst pain across my tummy, just under my belly button across to the scar in line with it. 

That was my body’s way of telling me I’d done too much and that I needed to slow it down, so my successful day of sorting things out didn’t happen!

Although I saw the new year in with a positive attitude, I ended new years day with physical pain instead of emotional. But I still had a better new year than my last one, despite needing to dose myself up on cocodamol once more.

IMG_1040Everyone was posting about their plans for the year and their new year resolutions but all I can say with regards to that, is that mine is to focus on myself. Last year wasn’t too good to me… Looking back, I’ve realised that I loved every second of moving to Turkey but I lost my relationship of just over two years and I almost my health because of it. I’ve recovered from both, health being the slightly more serious one of the two, but I’m not going to let anything affect my health this year.

This year I’m going to be selfish and put myself first, but sometimes that’s okay.

I just need to keep reminding myself that. However I have a feeling it won’t be as hard to put my health first with the string of appointments I’ve already got booked in for the next few months.

Happy New Year everyone!

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