16 May 2017

I’m so annoyed writing this as I just had a whole post done, pressed the wrong button and deleted it instead of saving it to drafts so this is take number two!

Today’s the day that I should have been heading to Chester with Callam for his Mum’s wedding… Instead, I’m currently at 30,000 feet and on my way to Dalaman… BY MYSELF!! Because I’m young, healthy and single so why the hell not?!

I worked this morning till midday so wasn’t really feeling in the holiday spirit. Even now, two hours into the flight I’m still not feeling it. My mind has been elsewhere all week and today at work I burnt my arm on the Merry Chef. It hurt at the time (obviously) but i ran it under cold water and it didn’t leave a mark at all. Till I got home and the patch has been getting bigger and redder since!

FullSizeRender-2I had just about enough time at home to get my last minute bits and bobs together before Dad wanted to leave for the airport. This was meant to be for packing… But naturally it meant having a shower and washing my hair to get rid of the smell of coffee, and giving myself a quick gel manicure. I’ve gone for matching fingers and toes which isn’t something I do very often. And they’re very glittery, again something that isn’t really me but hey ho!

Dad has a thing where he’d rather be four hours early than a minute late. So we left at 2pm for a 6pm flight, to go to an airport that’s 35 minutes down the road. Was a good job we did leave early though as traffic was really bad and we didn’t get to Stansted till just after 3pm in the end.

IMG_0641Dad came into the terminal with me and was with me at check in. I’ve only got hand luggage with me and it only weighs 6.5KG even with my medical supplies so I think I’ve done pretty well there! No problems with check in, however I couldn’t see anything on my boarding pass about special assistance so we went to the desk.

IMG_2055I know Gatwick airport do green lanyards with sunflowers on that passengers can wear that are meant to show staff that they have a hidden disability. As Dad works at Stansted he asked about this for me and instead I got given a snazzy bright pink wristband to wear! I still got the special assistance team to sign my boarding pass anyway just in case because I’ve been suffering with my joints recently and wasn’t sure how I’d be standing in a long queue.

When it came to saying goodbye to Dad all these emotions suddenly hit me. I’ve been really anxious all week about flying by myself, but it hit me that the last time I was doing this journey and saying goodbye to Dad at an airport, I was also saying goodbye to my two and a half year relationship. I’ve not thought about this, or him, for ages now. But it hit me like a ton of bricks and I really wish it hadn’t of done!

I gave Dad a hug and it was time to say GÖRÜŞÜRÜZ ENGLAND and MERHABA TURKEY!

When I got to security I made my way over to the fast track lane with my bright pink wrist band and my signed boarding pass but they man at the desk nearly didn’t let me through, till I pointed at the signature and then things were fine.

I wanted to turn round and say bye to Dad but I knew I’d cry and he’s been worrying enough about me recently. When I was in hospital, we planned this trip to Turkey, and it kept me going even when I thought it was the end of the road for me. There were times I never actually thought I’d make it out of hospital and be able to do this journey I’m doing now. Stupid tear ducts are welling up just typing this!

So, first step done. Next step was the scanners.

I sorted everything out into the box and went through the scanner and it beeped so I had to be scanned again.

At Stansted they have these new scanners where you have to stand with your legs apart and hands in the air and it takes pictures of your body and points of interest. I’d been through one before, but that was before surgery and I didn’t know what actually comes up. My stoma nurses had given me a little booklet that explains I have a stoma in case I need to be searched, but they wouldn’t let me keep hold of it, I had to put it through a separate scanner with my shoes.

As the scanner was going round me, I could see the man’s face change and I knew it had picked up my stoma and that’s when the tears started flowing.

FullSizeRender-3I walked out and the man in front of me rolled his eyes at me as I walked towards the lady. She noticed I was crying and gave me a hug and asked if I was okay. I explained I had a stoma and it was my first time flying since surgery and that I was alone and she hugged me again and asked me if that’s what I thought he machine had picked up. As I looked at the screen there was a bit yellow box on the front right of “me” which was definitely my stoma. She did the standard pat down and kept asking me if I was okay, then gave me another hug when she was done and that was me on my way.

I know crying seems silly but I don’t know why I did. Everyone always tells me I’m so positive and smiley about things and just life in general, but everything I’ve been through hasn’t made me mentally stronger at this point in time, the slightest little thing sets me off and I hate it! I’m always crying or feeling the need to cry! Right now, Ed Sheeran’s – Happier is playing which probably isn’t the best song choice!

A few deep breaths and some comforting words from Sammie, Eden and Char and I was ready to go.

I had just over an hour and a half till my flight so set about finding dinner. All the restaurants were full so I headed to the coffee shops but the rest of the country seems to be on a health kick and everything that was available was salad and seeded so I decided to pass and settled for a mini tube of pringles, with the hope of getting something hot on the plane.

FullSizeRender-1Once in the plane I asked for the tomato pasta to be told that they didn’t have any and all that was available was an all day breakfast and that just didn’t get my taste buds going. So instead I bought a packet of mini cheddars! Most wouldn’t think it’s too nutritious and to be fair it’s not, but it’s incredibly low in fibre so that’s the most important thing!

We’re now two hours into the four hour journey and the kids in front have finally started to settle – but that’s probably because they’ve got food in front of them! There’s a big family taking up the majority of the front (I’m in row 4) and the kids have been jumping around and pushing the seats back since we took off.

I remember going away when I was younger and Mum and Dad would always make us sleep for the majority of the way, but it seems these parents don’t have the same views. It’s now getting close to 9pm so maybe they’ll start to get tired soon. Fingers crossed!!

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